By now, most of us have seen headlines with the words “Yale University,” “racism” and  “Halloween” tattooed across our Facebook newsfeeds.

It all started with an email sent by the university’s International Affairs Council reminding students to be conscious of cultural appropriation in what they chose to wear for Halloween. But the real controversy unfolded when Yale lecturer and associate master at one of the university’s 12 residential colleges, Erika Christakis, penned a letter in response to the school’s initial email.

In her statement, according to The Chronicle of Higher Education, Christakis asked the following: “Is there no room anymore for a child to be a little bit obnoxious … a little bit inappropriate or provocative or, yes, offensive?”

As one can imagine, this response has gone viral and received a huge amount of negative backlash, inciting an argument about how the university handles issues of racism and sexism on a grand scale. Many are questioning whether Yale’s reminder to stay appropriate in costume choices is an infringement upon free speech, while other are enraged by Christakis’ apparent lack of respect for those who have faced oppression their entire lives due to their race and/or gender.

“The incidents have boiled over into widespread anger among students of color here, who say that Yale officials have not sufficiently dealt with the challenges that minority students, particularly women, face in academic and social circles,” The Chronicle wrote. “They condemn university leaders for taking several days to respond publicly to the controversies, and are imploring them to do more to support racial-minority groups.”

In an effort to combat the issue, president Peter Salovey and Jonathan Holloway, an African American studies professor and the first black dean of Yale College, have hosted forums in which students can voice their concerns about the university’s lack of recognition of these oppressed students. Salovey has said he is “deeply troubled” by the fact that he and the university were unaware of how largely denounced these issues had become.

Let us first recognize that because Yale is a private institution, the free speech argument here is null. Arguably, Yale could tell their students to wear a uniform every day and no one could call it an infringement upon free speech. In this case, Yale could have easily sent an email to students reminding them that they would be expelled for their offensive costumes. Instead, Yale reminded students to consider their peers when deciding what to wear for Halloween, and left the decision up to them.

What made Christakis’ email so emotionally charging was that she essentially told people who would be offended that it was their responsibility to look away.

It comes from a place of pretty distinct privilege to say people of color and women shouldn’t be offended by racist and sexist Halloween costumes. Being the butt of someone’s joke is undoubtedly demoralizing. In her apparent effort to encourage students to be provocative, Christakis completely overlooked the fact that there is a huge difference between what is provocative and what is offensive.

Yale isn’t going to tell its students what to wear because they believe that this sort of judgment has its own checks and balances. Realistically, though, there are plenty of people who want to be offensive and will be offensive, and they have friends who will agree with them. As much as we may want to expect that people will use proper judgment in how they treat others, many don’t care about being respectful, and they won’t ever understand if someone doesn’t call them out on their misjudgment.

But general administrators like Christakis should know that their position matters, and she recognizes how great her influence at the university is. Her comments work against creating a safe space where college students of all races and genders can feel welcome and respected. These administrators should be responsible for educating those who haven’t been exposed to inherent racism and sexism previously, and she completely evaded that responsibility.

That brings up the common argument about coddling. We as college students need to face these issues of racism and sexism and inherent abuse now, because that’s what the real world is like, right? One student’s op-ed in response to Christakis’ email has received a great deal of negative backlash, referring again to the fact that millennials are coddled, emotional messes who rely on our college administrators to carry us through school while we barely lift a finger. But let’s consider the fact that the “real world” is composed of people who may have once attended a university. An era of acceptance has to begin somewhere, and if we work to create accepting environments in college, maybe people can learn to be kind to each other in the real world.

There is a huge difference between providing a safe environment and a sheltered environment. And this form of “coddling” isn’t really coddling. By promoting good behavior, you are hopefully creating morally-conscious students who understand what it means to hurt others.

Many responses to Christakis’ email may see extreme, but the email itself has been locked into a greater conversation of race on campus. Now, students are addressing other student-run organizations, specifically the fraternity Sigma Alpha Epsilon, which has been accused of turning people of color away from a “white girls only” party.

This email was the tipping point of a much greater issue with race that has gone on for far too long, at Yale and all over the country. And in reality, it’s truly unfair for white people to tell people of color to stop being babies about their race.

We can’t trivialize the fact that racism can have an effect on you, even though it may be an abstract concept that we cannot always outwardly see. It manifests in the way we interact with people, and to deny others the right feel bad about the way they are treated is ignorant.

That being said, we want to encourage people to get up out of bed, go to their classes and make a productive difference in what is happening. But at the same time, we can’t really tell anyone how to deal with a situation such as this. Everyone has their own emotional responses — even if that means skipping class. However, the forums and public meetings that have taken place since these issues arose last week have elicited productive responses from many of those who were offended by this woman’s email.

We can’t be angry with Yale’s president for only saying he’s sorry. He and his administration have clearly begun to take action, as organized discussions rarely take place just after uproar has begun.

Of course in an ideal world, nothing like this would ever cause a violent reaction, but we have to understand where people are coming from — a long line of bigotry, white supremacy and overall disrespect has lead them to this moment. Sometimes you have to be loud to make change.