Enter the half-joke, half-serious concept of “silver springing” someone. It’s the idea that you and all the love you bring with you are unforgettable — like a ghost that will eternally haunt them.

Don't get me wrong — I love the Oscars as much as the next person. Every year, I station myself in front of my TV and immerse myself in the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, hoping that my favorite films...