The pieces of Dunkin’ that out-of-towners might think help it maintain its popularity are often misinformed hypotheses. It is not the intense sugar-rush that their syrups provide, nor is it the way they keep us on our toes as we gamble whether the first sip will be sweet, sweet paradise or like licking the butt of a cigarette. What is the home that your local Dunkin’ makes for you?

The customer I’m in love with walked into the shop today. “Hello,” he said. We’re in love. I know you could tell. Why are we in love? He’s not just gorgeous. Which he totally is. He has one...