However, I’ve grown to lean on my ability to sit down and do the work, and that’s the key — to make life feel a little easier, you have to build trust with yourself through habits, hobbies and moments that make you feel safe and loved.
I’ve learned that it’s okay not to have all the answers, and it’s okay to speak up even if it feels risky. Following your heart is important, even when it doesn’t make sense. You can’t control the future, so focus on the present and speak up when you feel compelled to do so.
These things seem really simple, but they took a lot of effort. The cycle of self-hate is a vicious one, and I’ve realized that breaking away from it takes a lot of work.
I’m kidding, but it's important to remember why we sometimes make generalizations as a society. Not all bees will sting you, but still we’re scared of bees. We don’t say, “only some bees will sting you” because that’s a given — it’s redundant. In that same way, no one really means all men are trash. Not all men are the same as Mr. Big.
I’m worried that something similar might happen when I return from college. Instead of feeling comfortable and relieved, I’ll feel unfamiliar and awkward, like I’m staying at a friend’s house for a week before I return to Boston. I’ve often heard sayings such as “home is where the heart is,” but how am I supposed to call this new place “home” without the proper time to love it?
Having a class crush is far more interesting but even more challenging in college than in high school. My roommates used to joke that the first day of class was always a big game of smash or pass.
What I wrote in my journal abroad didn’t seem worth sharing since many entries were half-formed thoughts. But there’s more there than I initially realized. I wrote for the hell of it — which, I think, is the best type of writing. Now, I'm diving into my unfiltered journal entries from abroad — they’re raw, real and vulnerable.
Dear Doctors,
I have this professor who always calls on me when I don’t know the answer. What can I do to avoid the embarrassment?
Sincerely,
Perplexed
